Bought a car back in the 80's from London. The wife asked who from. I said the Kray twins. What reg? She asked. No, I said, Ronnie.
We've been having trouble with one of our lodgers. It started with small things going missing, but the latest thing that was the final straw, he put glue on my antigue arms collection. He denied it off course but I'm sticking to my guns........
An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible". "1st - Who was born in a stable?" "Shergar" he replied "2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?" "It kills 99% of all germs" he replied. "3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?" "That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the crap out of them!!"
I'd been seeing this nurse for a few days and we finally got round to sex. As I stripped off I said, "You must have seen a few manhood's where you work, how do you rate mine?" She said, "It's slightly bigger than average." "Thanks." I said, "What sort of nursing do you do anyway?" She said, "I'm a Pediatrician."
Ok, not happy. Just been into TESCO’s and it was nuts, yet again they had no toilet paper at all. Reluctantly i headed to the checkout and ask if they had any more and they said firmly “NO” almost to the point of being rude !!!! Walking back to the toilet with my trousers and pants around my ankles was a walk i never want to have to do again.
I ordered something different from the local Indian takeaway. It’s a Chicken Tarka . It’s like a chicken Tikka , it’s just a little otter .
An Irishman and his son went to the zoo. A sign says, "Feed the elephant a bun to get your age" Little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stamps it's foot 6 times. "Wow" says the boy, "That's right I am 6, you have a go dad" The Irish chap gives the elephant a bun.... A moment later the elephant farts and stamps twice... "By eck that's right, I am farty two!"
