Coffee can be deadly. It killed my grandad. He was run over by a Maxwell House van......it was instant.
I was really excited when my wife suggested we start having date nights to put the spark back in our relationship. Until I realised she meant together.
The alarm went off at 6am The wife said "Turn it off!" and went back to sleep I got up quietly, went to work and then rang the fire brigade
I went to see my doctor about my sex addiction today. "Right, lie on the bed and take your underwear off." She said, "I beg your pardon?"
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
