Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there." Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you. Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike." "Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Mike--it's me, Joe." "You're not Joe. Joe just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice. "Joe! Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Mike. "The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired." That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news? "You're playing on Saturday."
I think one of the builders working in our house is a Jehovah's Witness. He's upstairs trying to convert the loft.
Two Italian men get on a bus, sit down, and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first, den I come, den two asses come together. I come once-a-more, two asses, they come together again, I come again and pee twice, then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady, indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives !" "Hey . . . . coola down, lady" said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa ? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
