As it's getting chilly up here I thought I'd better get ready for the winter. I went on Amazon, typed in 'Captain Webb' and it said 'no available matches' ... ... what a company, they only sell one thing and they're out of f*cking stock
I've got to admit, my wife's cooking has seriously improved. Today I had the best slice of soup I've ever had.
I worked security on a building site. One night I saw the labourer walking out with a wheelbarrow covered with a blanket. I thought "what's that c*nt got under there?" The next night I saw him again with a wheelbarrow covered with a blanket. I stopped him and said " Eya mate what you got under there?!" I took the blanket off. Nowt f*ckall ! The next night same again. I stopped him but f*ckall not a thing ! This went on for 3 months until they sacked me. When I asked the gaffa why I was sacked it was because 84 wheelbarrow's had gone missing!
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's arse."
A family of cannibals attended a wedding. The reception was great until someone decided to toast the bride and groom !
