Decided to cut down on my alcohol intake so I've started limiting myself to a single glass of Bacardi & Coke with each meal. It's going well, I'm already down to 18 meals a day.
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two "working girls" and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE UGH!" "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!" "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .. UGH!" .... ALL NIGHT LONG. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed."
John Mousinho has been caught driving through Portsmouth at 90mph by the old bill. When questioned he said he would do anything for 3 points at the moment.....
Deaf couple get married and during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language). After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the Wife proposes a solution. "Honey." She signs. "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have Sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left Breast one time. If you don't want to have Sex, reach over and squeeze my right Breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his Wife. "Great idea! Now if you want to have Sex with me, reach over and pull on my Penis one time. And if you don't want to have Sex, reach over and pull on my Penis fifty times."
