Ten Hag walks into a bank to cash a cheque, and as he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Miss, can you cash this cheque for me, please ?" Cashier "It would be my pleasure. Show me some ID, please." Ten Hag "Really ? I did not bring my ID with me because I didn't think that there would be any need to. I am Erik ten Hag, Manager of Manchester United.” Cashier "Yes, I think that I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID to be certain." Ten Hag Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier "I am sorry, Mr Hag, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Ten Bob "Come on, please, I am urging you to cash this cheque." Cashier: "Look sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID, and to prove that he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque." "Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID, he pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you ?" Erik stands there thinking and thinking and finally says "Honestly, my mind is a total blank . . . . there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do . . . . I don't have a clue." Cashier "Will that be large or small notes , Mr Ten Hag ?”
Another owldy (they're nearly all owldies !) I just fell off a 27ft ladder . . . . luckily I was only on the first step.
A Wife came Home early and found her Husband in their Bedroom making love to a very Attractive Young Woman. She was very Upset. _"You are a Disrēspêctful Pīg!"_ she Cried. _"How dare you do this to me – a Faithful Wife, the Mother of your Children! I'm Leaving you. I want a Divorce, NOW!"_ The Husband calmly replied, _"Hang on just a Minute Love. At least let me tell you what Happened."_ _"Fine, go ahead",_ the Wife Sobbed, _"but they will be the last Words you say to me!"_ The Husband Began: _"Well, as I was getting into the Car at Work to drive Home, this Young Lady here asked me for a Lift. She looked so Distressed, Helpless and Defenceless that I took Pity on her and let her into the Car."_ _"She was very Thin, not well Dressed and very Dirty and told me that she hadn't Eaten for Three Days."_ _"Out of Compassion, I brought her Home and Warmed up the Pizza I made for you last Night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on Weight. The Poor thing Ate it, Ravenously."_ _"She was Dirty. I suggested she have a Shower. While Showering, I noticed her Clothes were Filthy and Threadbare. I threw them away."_ _"I gave her the Designer Jeans that you’ve had for a Few Years, but don’t Wear because you say they are too Tight."_ _"I gave her Underwear, your Anniversary Present from me, which you don’t Wear because you said I don't have Good Taste."_ _"I gave her the Sexy Blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t Wear just to annoy her. I also donated those Boots you bought at an expensive Boutique but don’t Wear because someone at Work has the same Pair."_ The Husband Paused, took a quick Breath and continued: _"She was so Grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the Door, she turned to me with Tears in her Eyes and said, “Please Sir... Do you have anything else that your Wife doesn’t use?
