My wife says that I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I'm sure that I would have found 'mute' by now !
My wife was in labour when the nurse said that it was time to push. She gave it everything that she had, until a fart, that from sound and stench, had obviously followed through, and she was mortified. "Don't worry," I said, patting her head. "I've heard that this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth. Isn't that right, nurse ?" "Yes," said the nurse gagging, "but it's usually from the mother !
Little Johnny enters the barber shop. The barber whispers to one of his customers, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. just watch and I'll prove it to you." The barber put a £5 note in one hand and a pound coin in the other. He then called Johnny over and asked him which one he wanted. Little Johnny took the pound coin and left. "What did I tell u,”the barber said. "That kid just never learns!!" Later, as he left the barbers the customer saw Johnny munching away at a bar of chocolate happy as Larry. The customer asks Johnny, "Hey, can i ask you a question? Why did you take the pound coin instead of the £5 note?" "Because," said Johnny, "The day I take the fiver, the game is over!"
