INSTRUCTOR: "Can you read that car number plate from here?" ME: "Yes I can, now will you PLEASE open our PARACHUTE!"
I was just about to finish my w*nk when someone knocked on my door. "Go away!!" I yelled, "I'm busy". He said, "Sir, the traffic lights on green."
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex: "Tarzan not know sex!" He replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said. "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree!" Horrified, she said. "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly!" She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here!" She said. "You must put it in here!" Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right between her legs. Jane rolled around in agony, but manages to gasp for air and screamed. "What did you do that for?" "Tarzan check for bees!"
My mate asked me if I could name any famous Syrians. I said, "Well, there's Botham... McKellen...Duncan-Smith...”
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone. “Yes it is,” bartender answers. “Do you have huge golden doors?” “Sure do.” “Do you have golden floors?” Most certainly do.” “What about golden urinals?” There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, “Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!”
