Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

My wife left me for another man.
All that lies ahead now is a miserable, pointless life, with suicide seemingly the only way out.
And while he's going through all that, I'll be in the pub with my mates every night.....

 

George got a new job, and his fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday, so they asked him if he'd like to meet them at 10:00 on Saturday morning for a game. George said that he would love to meet them, but said that he might be 6 minutes late.

On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00, he played right handed and won the round.

The following Saturday George says that he will be there, but he may be 6 minutes late again, but he arrives right on time, plays left handed, and again wins the round.

This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he might be 6 minutes late, but always arriving on time, and always winning, playing either left or right handed.

The other employees are naturally curious, and decided to ask him about it.

They said, ''Every Saturday you say that you might be six minutes late, but you never are, and you play either right handed or left handed, and always win. Can you explain ?

George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of bloke . . . . every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I play left handed, and if she is sleeping on her right side I play right handed.''

''Well,'' one of the employees said ''What happens if she is laying on her back ?''

George replies ''That's when I'll be 6 minutes late.''

 

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Before i got married I would just drive aimlessly around car parks because i had nobody to point out the empty spaces.

 

Throughout our marriage, my wife has always stood by my side. She had to. We've only got one chair.

 

I’m gonna lock you up with @Gil T Azell for that

 

We would only morph into something even more hideous, so on your head be it mate.

 

Thank heavens for this thread while all the worrying **** is going on.

 

For us oldies!

 

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A husband and wife are at Custody court and the judge looks sternly at the ex wife.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child ?"

Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him."

Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."

Then the judge looks towards the ex husband.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir ?"

The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, and after a brief moment of silence, he says "If I put money into a Coke machine and a Coke comes out, is it mine or the machine’s ?"