Mother, father, and son were having dinner, and the son wouldn't eat his sprouts. Mother said, "Son, eat your sprouts," but the son refused. Father leaned over and whispered in the boy's ear. The boy quickly ate his sprouts and went to his room. The mother asked, "What did you say to him?" Father replied, "I told him his willy wouldn't grow any bigger if he didn't eat them!" The mother slapped the father around the head. He asked, "What was that for?" She replied, "For not eating your sprouts when you were a child."
I was at a job interview this morning when the manager handed me a laptop and said: "I want you to try to sell this to me." So l put it under my arm, left the building and went home. Eventually he called me and said: "Bring my laptop back now." I said: "£300 and it's yours."
A bull and his young son were grazing on the top of a fairly steep hill, when the young bull said "Dad, look down there, there's a field with some lovely Jersey cows in it. Why don't we run down there and shag a couple of them?" His dad replied, "No no, lad, you've still got a lot to learn. We don't run, what we do is amble down to the field very slowly and quietly and then..............screw all of them!"
Girlfriend asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. I have, but now I can't read anything.......
Decided to invest in my local apple pie shop, not too sure on profit margins but the turnover looks good
I though that I was finally over my obsession with Tipperary, but my doctor says I've still got a long way to go !
As kids we used to throw scrabble tiles at each other, until our mum shouted "stop it before someone loses an i "
My mate bet me £10 I couldn't do a butterfly impression. I thought, that's gotta be worth a little flutter !
My girlfriend just sent me a message saying : "helpmyspacebarisbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative" What does 'ternative' mean ?
