I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. I rang her up to arrange a date, but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.....
The ugliest woman I’ve ever seen came up to me at a party last night and asked for my number. I asked her if she had a pen and she said yes. I said, “Well, you better get back to it before the farmer realises you’re missing!”
Getting the full Glastonbury experience at home. Just had a massive piss behind my settee. please log in to view this image
I met a girl in the pub last night, she was quite boastful, which kind of turned me on. She said..” I have two detached houses, what about you?” I said..”Well at the moment, just a small semi!”