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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry at each other.

    We’ve been awake since Friday........
     
    #31121
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2024 at 11:43 PM
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to a Geordie barber for a perm.

    He said "I wandered lernly as a clood."
     
    #31122
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2024 at 11:47 PM
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31123
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 2:42 AM
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31124
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:06 AM
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31125
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:29 AM
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    England fans ready for Slovakia match
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    #31126
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:30 AM
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31127
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:32 AM
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31128
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:33 AM
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31129
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:36 AM
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31130
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:38 AM
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31131
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:41 AM
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #31132
    antipodean exile, Jun 28, 2024 at 3:50 AM
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I backed 10 horses yesterday, but they all performed badly.

    Wild Boar fell
    My Time ran out
    Naughty Kid's Ears got boxed in
    Holy Y-Fronts unseated the jockey
    Disorderly Queue wouldn't line up
    Penelope Pitstop was trapped on the rail
    Tricky Theatregoer refused to leave the stalls
    Just Breadcrumbs was unplaiced
    Careless Driver was disqualified
    Baggy Sock was pulled up

    Should have bet on Dusty Carpet it's never been beaten............
     
    #31133
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2024 at 12:21 PM
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I ordered some cauliflower soup for home delivery, they took it round the houses and eventually delivered it 3 hours later.
    Worse still, after eating it I was dry heaving for ages and my breath smelt foul.
    I had to complain, but my only option was to fill in an online form. It asked me to state what I had ordered, and the reason for my complaint, but insisted I use no more than seven words.

    So I put, "Soup of cauli, bad logistics, retching, halitosis".
     
    #31134
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2024 at 12:46 PM
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #31135
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2024 at 1:07 PM
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #31136
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2024 at 1:32 PM
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    New series of Top Gear looks insane....
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    #31137
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2024 at 2:13 PM
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #31138
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2024 at 2:16 PM
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #31139
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2024 at 2:39 PM
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #31140
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2024 at 2:42 PM
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