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Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

Discussion in 'Southampton' started by TheSecondStain, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    Used to watch him on morning tv when I used to do late shifts……..Truly awful for the family :(
     
    #53301
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  2. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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    I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink.

    Now I’m in the hospital, waiting to be seen
     
    #53302
  3. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    Cheese roll walks into a pub and orders a pint.



    Barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
     
    #53303
  4. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    Go caerphilly or we'll end up with a load of cheesy pun.
     
    #53304
  5. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    I don’t give edam.
     
    #53305
    thereisonlyoneno7 and StJabbo1 like this.
  6. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    Gouda for you.
     
    #53306
  7. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    I am off to listen to some R & Brie.
     
    #53307
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  8. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    I camembert it.
     
    #53308
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  9. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    It’s feta to be safe than sorry.
     
    #53309
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  10. Lemons and Oranges

    Lemons and Oranges Well-Known Member

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    With cheese puns, the Leicester said, the better
     
    #53310

  11. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    Have we signed Gorgon Zola yet?
     
    #53311
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  12. San Tejón

    San Tejón Well-Known Member

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    In an update to the above, a 4th person has died by drowning at the same beach, making it 4 in 48 hours.
    This beach is generally considered safe but the strong gusting winds are diving currents and making them more dangerous.
    There have been 7 drownings in the Alicante region since the start of June.
     
    #53312
  13. It's Only A Game

    It's Only A Game Well-Known Member

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  14. It's Only A Game

    It's Only A Game Well-Known Member

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  15. SaintMarv

    SaintMarv Well-Known Member

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  16. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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  17. SaintMarv

    SaintMarv Well-Known Member

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    #53317
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  18. San Tejón

    San Tejón Well-Known Member

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  19. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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  20. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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    It's Fathers Day! So it means as a Dad I have licence to tell you the worst jokes ever.

    The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

    1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
    Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
    You, but don't start anything."

    3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

    4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

    6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
    "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
    Unusual."

    8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
    you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

    9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

    12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
    you can't I've cut off your arms!"

    13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

    14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"

    16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
    have your kayak and heat it too.

    17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
    an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
    to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
    "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
    which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
    them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!
     
    #53320

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