I came home yesterday to find that my daughter had arranged five bottles of pro biotic yoghurt to form a pentagram on her bedroom floor. I’m worried that she’s been dabbling with the yakult .
I’ve bought a race horse. Called it My Face. Not bothered if it never actually wins , but it”ll be fun hearing those posh lasses at Ladies Day yelling “ Come on my face”
Young couple sat in a restaurant. She says "I slept with three men before I met you." He thinks "Sh*t, I was only twenty minutes late."
A blonde picks up a pen that has been left lying about. "Is wonder who this belongs to?" she asks her equally blonde companion. "Let me see," say her mate, and writes her name. "Yes, it's mine." and puts the pen in her bag. "How do you know it was yours?' "I recognise the hand writing".
I stole a beef joint from Asda the other day! The security guard shouted "what are you doing with that!?" I replied.. carrots peas and gravy
