Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Women can be so ungrateful.

I ran over my neighbours cat, and killed it, so I got her an identical one ...

... all she could say was 'Why the f*ck would I want two dead cats!'

 

"What're you doing, love?" I asked the wife as she waddled into the living room, arms piled high with clothes.
"Sorting out my wardrobe." She replied. "I'm throwing these away, they're all either too big or too small."
My money's on small.

 

The man who invented anagrams has died. May he create penis.

 

On our 35th wedding anniversary I gave my wife £3,000 as a gift,
"Wow" she said, "where did you get that?"
"I put a pound away every time I had sex for a surprise for you on a special day. "
"That's amazing, " she said, "I can't believe I did exactly the same thing, " as she gave me £5,000

 

What do you call a man who put up a barrier round his house ...

... Ray Ling

 

married man was visiting his girlfriend, when she requested he shave his beard off. “Oh Paddy.” she said, “Please shave it off, I want to see all of your lovely face.


“I can’t said Paddy, “My wife loves this beard, she’d kill me if I shaved it off! “Please!”…she pleaded in a sexy seductive voice. Paddy gives in and shaves the beard off.

Later that night, Paddy crawls into the bed whilst his wife was sleeping. His wife wakes up, and feels his face in the dark, she then says, “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here now, Paddy will be back home shortly!”

 

Admit it. You looked twice.

 

This isn't a joke but it popped into my mind and I laughed out loud.

When we lived in the south of France we set up a little transport company moving things to the UK and back. It gave us a good profit but was mainly to have free trips back for matches and visits. Anyway, I had a sticker made, for the back of the van, that said "How's my driving, call this number."

It was actually the number for a sex chat line which I thought was absolutely f*ckin hilarious

 

I liked the one which read, if you can read this message on my car window my caravans fell off.

 

I was hoping some mealy mouthed prat rang it then had to try to explain to his wife when she checked his phone.

 

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