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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

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  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Joe Biden learns Mozart

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    #9021
    Makemstine Roger, May 17, 2024
    OLOF, Wakey, Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9022
    Makemstine Roger, May 17, 2024
    Diego and oldschool like this.
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Potholes are getting worse in Leeds

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    #9023
    Makemstine Roger, May 17, 2024
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  4. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    wouldn't believed this until recently I saw a grab of him on TV reading from a teleprompter and at the end of one sentence he said "Pause".
     
    #9024
    brisbane-lion, May 18, 2024
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  5. Wakey

    Wakey Well-Known Member

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    facebook_1716026576256_7197537132899188995.jpg
     
    #9025
    Wakey, May 18, 2024
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  6. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    #9026
    Poly, May 18, 2024
  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9027
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
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  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9028
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
    NICKNAMES
    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
    EATING OUT
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
    MONEY
    A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
    BATHROOMS
    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
    ARGUMENTS
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
    FUTURE
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    SUCCESS
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
    MARRIAGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
    DRESSING UP
    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
    NATURAL
    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
    OFFSPRING
    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
     
    #9029
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
    oldschool, 2020VisionofLeeds, **Hector ** and 2 others like this.
  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on the Men's recreational preferences:
    1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
    2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
    3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
    4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
    5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
    6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
    Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become
     
    #9030
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
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  11. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    But her farts in court :)
     
    #9031
    Poly, May 18, 2024
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9032
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
    Aski and Diego like this.
  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9033
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9034
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9035
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Biden is confirmed by his own daughter of sexual abuse
     
    #9036
    Makemstine Roger, May 18, 2024
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  17. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    This is too painfully accurate to be funny
     
    #9037
    2020VisionofLeeds, May 19, 2024
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  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9038
    Makemstine Roger, May 19, 2024
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  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9039
    Makemstine Roger, May 19, 2024
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #9040
    Makemstine Roger, May 19, 2024
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