A couple driving home run over a badger, they get out and see it's still breathing but freezing cold, husband says "put it between your legs and keep it warm" wife replies but it's wet and it stinks" he says, "well hold the ****ing badgers nose then"
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors, and 'cos the poor dear was several sandwiches short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her eccentric behaviour, and some of them even joined in the fun. One day Ethel was speeding along one of the corridors when a man stepped out of one of the doorways with his arm outstretched: “Stop !” he said firmly. “Have you got a licence for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit-Kat wrapper, which she handed to him with a big smile. “OK,” he said, and off she went again. Taking the corner by the TV lounge on one wheel as usual, she found another man standing in the corridor in front of her. “Stop !” he said firmly, “Have you got a valid registration for that vehicle, madam?” Ethel dug into her handbag again and came up with a well-used beermat, which she presented for inspection, and she was sent on her way once more. Heading down the last corridor before the front door, a third man stepped out in front of her, stark naked, and holding a sizable erection in one hand. “Oh, no,” cried Ethel, “Not the breathalyser again !”
Man who kept his boat besides his house was ordered from the city to put up a fence to hide the boat from view. So he built the fence and hired someone to paint it. please log in to view this image
