"Zippity-Doo-Dah!" As the bus pulled up at the bus stop and it was her turn to get on, Melissa became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to raise to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind herself to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the third time attempted the step. Once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. At this point, a large bodybuilder who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic, and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body??!! I don't even know who you are!!" The bodybuilder smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends!"
A high-powered New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector stopped in to see his client, and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” The art collector replied, “Oof, you won’t believe the day I’ve had so far; let’s hear the good news first.” The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million..!!” He added, “I think she could be right.” Saul replied enthusiastically, “Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman..!!!” Saul breathed in deeply, and continued, “You’ve just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?” , “ .”the picture is of you with your mistress in bed. (The last sentence did not copy sorry!)
SORRY!! Olaf the Viking is shopping at iceland supermarket on Salford precinct when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears. "What's the matter?" asks Olaf. "Oh," sobs the old lady "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but as you can see, there are three steps down to the chiller cabinets." "No problem." says Olaf taking her onto his back "I'll take you." Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her. At the other end, the old lady's husband is waiting for her with her wheelchair. "I'd really like to thank you." says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair "but I don't even know who you are!" Olaf just waves and walks off. "I was really worried about you, " comments the old lady's husband "What have you been doing?" "I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."
Right, I'll see your Norse and raise you........ I went to this fancy fish restaurant where they let you choose which you want to eat out of a live tank. I fancied some squid, and chose one, a lovely light green in colour and which because of some scar or something appeared to have a hairy lip, but still it looked quite cute. The waiter took it out and went to see chef. Chef ran out crying and the waiter told me that Gervais was a compassionate Frenchman who didn't have the heart to kill it. Not to worry he said, the German guy who washes up seems pretty heartless, he'll do it. Soon , he too fled in tears. I'm sorry said the waiter, but Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervais with mild green hairy lip squid
