Off Topic The 'Like' Brothel

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My van wouldn't start today.

So I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat, sitting on the engine.

It was a very polite bat. He said "hello sir, you are a handsome man, and very nicely dressed too"

I could see the problem straight away.





Bat flattery.....

 

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You probably think that you know the story about Noah’s Ark, but think again because here’s the real story . . . .

God appeared to Noah and said “It’s going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights, and I want you to build an Ark. It has to be 30 cubits wide, 60 cubits long and 2 stories high“
Noah replied “I'm guessing that you want me to fill it with birds and animals.”
God said, “No, fish mainly, and particularly carp.“
Noah replied “Ah . . . . you want a two storey carp Ark“

 

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The missus asked me last night if I could give her a Liverpool performance in bed
I said what’s that? She said ‘you stay on top a long time and come second’.

 

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A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner so he goes over for a chat.
The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”
The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”
And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.”
He asks the horse “Did you win anything?”
The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger and the Derby. And over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”
They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he’s done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.
The horse arrives and says “Lovely place you have here, who’s that in the picture on the wall?”
The donkey replies “That’s me when I used to play for The Toon!”

 

found it
got my brothels mixed up

 

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A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs, a
slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'
He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's
this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'
At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. 'A bowl of
soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?'
He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for food.'
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. 'Would you
like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a
rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?'
He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra....I'm
still not hungry.'
'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving.'

 

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morning acs
and the rest of ya

 

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