Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

My old mate has just finished converting his car to electric. He swapped the diesel engine for the motor from a tumble dryer.
It wouldn't start at first, he said, then realised he hadn't shut the door properly!!

 

My mate claimed he'd changed his engine for a massive elastic band ...

... I think it was a wind up

 

How thoughtful

 

It's going to get colder later this week, then

 

Posted this on wrong thread!

 

Hot off the press . . . .

 

You have to question the modus operandi of people who use Latin for no apparent reason

 

Here's a cake to celebrate a successful vasectomy

 

I think I've been watching too much porn on my computer.
I tried to log on last night and I got a message saying, 'Not tonight, I've got a headache.'

 

Pastor Bob drives up to the Happy Rest Nursing home to visit Matilda, an elderly member of his church in the latter years of her life.
“Hi Matilda, good to see you, can I sit with you for awhile?”
As they begin chatting, the pastor notices a bowl full of peanuts on the nearby nightstand. As Matilda continues to share a story he’s already heard a few times before, he reaches for the bowl of peanuts and takes one.
As the conversation continues, he also continues to eat more and more peanuts. Near the end of their time together he realizes he has eaten every single peanut in the bowl.
“Matilda, I must apologize. It seems that I have eaten every one of your peanuts.”
“Oh that’s okay Pastor Bob.”
“They would have just sat there anyway.”
“Without my teeth anymore, all I can do is lick and suck the chocolate off of them and put the peanuts back in the bowl.”