Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

 

Just had to have a chat with my son about masturbation earlier today, I told him it's completely natural, everybody does it,
And he should knock before coming into my room..

 

I've just swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas . . . . the currant exchange rate is blinking good

 

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Does this count as a kosher topping?

 

I was just browsing on the RSPB website, and someone put the question on there; "Why can't I get birds to eat my fat balls?" I thought,
"Hmmm, it's not just me then!"

 

Never forget the decimal point when you are ordering a 7.5mm drill bit.