This old cowboy was out in the desert. He was lost for a week. He finally found a town and crawled into the saloon and pulled himself up on a stool. He croaked "I'm so thirsty I would do anything for a beer, but I don't have a cent on me." A guy overheard this and said "See that spittoon over in the corner? A hundred guys have spit their chaw into that thing. If you'll take one sip, I'll buy you all the beer you want." The old cowboy thought about it and said "OK. I'll do it." So he picked up the spittoon and started drinkin. The guy who was buying the beer said "OK you can stop now." But the old cowboy kept drinkin. He said again "You can quit now." Finally the old cowboy got done. He had drunk the whole thing. The guy said "Why didn't you quit? You only had to take a sip." The old cowboy said "I couldn't. It was all in one piece."
Had a check up at the doctor’s this morning and the first thing he asked was, "Do you drink a lot?" I said, "The occasional pint, doc. Why do you ask?" He said, "This urine sample's got a head on it."
PANIC IN THE AIR Air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees. The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!" The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!". He began his series of questions: Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??" Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me." Tower: "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?" Air.craft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me." Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?" Aircraft” “The mess in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.”
