So this woman walks into a butcher's shop just before closing time on Christmas Eve and asks, "Do you have any Turkeys?" The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only Turkey and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs 1.5 kg. The woman looks at the Turkey and at the scales and asks, "Do you have one that's a bit bigger than this one, please?" The butcher puts the Turkey back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he craftily keeps his thumb on the scale pan. The scales now show 2 kg. "That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please!"
Just bought her indoors an ice pick, cos when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said "A climb axe would make a nice change"
An old couple, Bert and Edna are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!” Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later the old man Bert turns to his wife and asks, “Edna, did we pay our £5,000 cheque for the grandchildren’s summer holiday?” “No, sweetheart,” she responds. Bert, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Edna, did we pay our credit card, council tax and water bill card yet?” “Oy, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,” she says. “One last thing, Edna. Did you remember to send a cheque for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks. “Oh, forgive me, Bert,” begged Edna. “I didn’t send that one, either.” Bert grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Edna pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you kiss me?” Bert answers, “They’ll find us.”
