Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Mrs Smug tried to give me this T-shirt as an early Christmas present ...

... I told her to f**k off.

 

Murphy calls to see his mate paddy, who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

 

I'm not much of a handyman either but I've watched the odd 'DIY' video similar to this and from what I've recall I don't think that tape has anything to do with the dishwasher function.

 

A man was stocking produce at the grocery store when a woman approached, asking, "Excuse me, where's the broccoli? I can't seem to find it."

He replied, "I apologize, ma'am, we're out of broccoli today. We'll have more tomorrow morning."

Resuming his work, he was arranging oranges when the same woman tapped his shoulder and inquired again, "Where's the broccoli? Do you have any?"

He patiently responded, "No, ma'am, we're still out of broccoli. We'll have some tomorrow morning."

Moments later, the woman confronted him once more, demanding, "Why can't I find any broccoli? Where is it?"

The man said, "Please indulge me for a moment. How do you spell 'cat' as in 'catastrophic'?"

She answered, "C-A-T."

He continued, "How do you spell 'dog' as in 'dogmatic'?"

She replied, "D-O-G."

Then he asked, "How do you spell 'fu*k' as in 'broccoli'?"

Puzzled, she said, "There is no 'fu*k' in broccoli."

He exclaimed, "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU, LADY!"

 

Eh !

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