Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Once every 10 years there's a rare planetary alignment on the No14 to Ayr.

 

I cheated on my wife in her dream last night and now she's not talking to me.

 

please log in to view this image

 

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day.

Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”

Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then.”

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

“Dammit” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.

“Oh God, this is gettin' worse,” he slurs.

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement.

He falls flat on his face.

“I’ll never make it home,” he mumbles amid more curses.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and grunts “No way”. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says “Maybe I can just can make it to the bed.”

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.

He says “To hell with it” and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Bridie, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, “Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?”.

Paddy says, “I did Bridie. I was totally scuttered pissed. Me head’s throbbin’. But how’d ye know?”

“Mick phoned ... You left your wheelchair at the pub

 

Eh

 

I setup a video call on my iPad with my doctor after I discovered a suspicious lump on my left testicle. I dropped my pants and explained it all to my doctor...

Got some funny looks from the other customers in Costa Coffee though!