Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

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Does anyone fancy a job . . . . you don't have to be any good

 

My wife packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman.
"I want you to go!" she screamed.
I said, "Please, can we at least talk about it first?"
"Go on, I'm listening." she replied.
I then sat down, took a deep breath and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."

 

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily.
“Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?”
The girl, crying, replied, “Dad… I became a prostitute.”
“Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.”
“OK, Dad… as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom house, plus I've put 5 million Euros in a savings account. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club … (takes a breath) … and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.”
“What was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad.
Girl, crying again, “A prostitute, Daddy!”
“Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!”

You've just got to love the Irish