Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Maria had just got married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous. Her mother reassured her;

'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says,
'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.’

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests..Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again.. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.
Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'
'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you..'
So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes.
When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.

 

My internet connection was down last night, so I thought that I'd have a bit of a chat with the missus . . . . I was surprised to find out that she no longer works for Woolworths !

 

Catholic Priest walking along a river bank comes across a drunken man floundering in the fairly deep water and immediately jumps in to save him.
Getting hold of the drunk he shouts in praise "The Lord Jesus has saved you " and dunks the man's head under the water for a few seconds.
Pulling him up he,asks the drunk " Did you see Jesus" and the drunk looking confused says " No Father " so into the water he goes for a second time, repeating the process and getting the same response.
Dumfounded the Priest thrusts him back into the water for a third time holding him under for 30 seconds until the drunk starts to struggle, pulling him out he asks again " Did you see Jesus" and the drunk replied " No Father are you sure this is where he fell in "

 

I went to A & E yesterday and said to the nurse "I've been stung by a wasp. Have you got anything for it?"
She said "whereabouts is it?"
I said "I don't know. It'll be f*cking miles away by now"

 

Porn: Naked couples engaged in various consensual sexual activity.
Marriage: The opposite of porn.

 

Which council is responsible for this