My mate told me that he once dated a twin. I asked "How could you tell them apart?" He replied "Maria painted her nails red, and Tony had a moustache".....
As I was getting in to bed, she said "Your'e drunk!" I said "How do you know?" She replied "Because you live next door!"
I went to the doctors the other day, and he told me I've got hypochondria. I said I'm not surprised, as I've got everything else....