I decided to stop worrying about my wife's driving and take advantage of it, so I got one of those bumper stickers that says "How's My Driving ?" and put an 0800 number on it. At 50p a call, l've been making a fortune
I slept with 2 Thai girls the other night. It was like winning the lottery . . . . 6 matching balls !
What's the difference between a kangeroo and a kangeroot ? One's an Australian marsupial and the other's a Jock stuck in a lift.
They've named that kid who cut down the tree at Sycamore Gap, Hadrians Wall . . . . Tim Burr, from Felling.