Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

In the Middle Ages poor people would save their urine in pots to sell to the tanneries who used it to cure the hides. Some people were so poor they even had to borrow pots. Hence that’s why today I’m so skint I don’t have “ a pot to piss in “

 

My wife walked in on an argument between our son and me. When he ran out of the room crying, I turned to the wife and said, "I wish I'd used a condom now."
Horrified, she said, "What? You wish our son had never been born?"
"No," I replied. "I've got his girlfriend pregnant."

 

A schizophrenic walks into his local and orders a pint
The Barman says " You normally get 2"
He replies " I'm off the drink".

 

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You know when you're on the toilet and realise that there's no paper, so you have to do that silly pants-down waddle to go and get some . . . . well I'm nearly at Asda now and I've had some very strange looks.

 

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People who say that their wedding day was the happiest day in their life, have obviously never paid for one bar of chocolate in a vending machine and have two come out !