Sammy Davis Jr and Ella Fitzgeralds chicken restaurant was a complete and total flop. Evidently no one wanted to eat at Sam n Ella's.
I returned my lizard to the pet store as he wouldn’t stop telling dad jokes. “That’s not a lizard,” the store clerk told me. “That’s a stand-up chameleon.”
I've just finished converting my van to electric. I swapped the diesel engine for the motor from a tumble dryer, it wouldn't start at first, then I realised I hadn't shut the door properly! I then took it for a spin!
When I get something stuck in my throat, I just dislodge it with a cold beer. It's called the Heineken Manoeuvre....
"A £1 to look after your car mister?" said the young street kid after I'd parked in the city. "Don't think so son" pointing to my Doberman lying on the back seat. "Ah right" he replied, "any good at putting out fires is he?
"Can you read that car's number plate from here?" asked my instructor today. "Yes!" I replied, "Now can you please open the fuki'n parachute!"
