I was sat next to a woman breastfeeding her baby on the bus earlier and I found it to be very uncomfortable... My jeans were chafing my knob.
Well she will have done the cooking and will have to wash up strait away afterward so if the husband is still awake when she gets to bed it was a romantic dinner!
Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris, he visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bar and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin, drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded so they left the bar and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band packed up. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business!
A man finds a genie in a bottle. The genie says 'I'll give you a million quid on one condition . . . . you'll have a two inch cock.' The man says 'Deal.' The next day the man is celebrating in the pub when his mate turns to him and says 'I can't understand why you are so happy. You've now got a two inch cock.' The man replies 'Not only am I a millionaire, but he didn't even change my cock.'
Another owldy (like most of them) . . . . A Rangers and Celtic fan get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says "So you're a Rangers fan. That's interesting . . . . I'm a Celtic fan. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The Rangers fan replied "I totally agree . . . . this must be a sign from God" The Rangers fan went on "Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact that we are alive and kicking." He hands the bottle to the Celtic fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle before handing it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan asks "Aren't you having any ?" and the Rangers fan replies "Nah . . . . I'll just wait for the police to arrive."
