If you like listening to music while having sex, choose a live album. That way, you get a round of applause every 3 or 4 minutes. Optimism . . . . every 3 or 4 minutes
I'd advise anybody against pressing the 'Emergency Stop' button on a treadmill going at high speed. I just did at the gym, and the bloke on it went f*cking flying.
I’ve just finished building a model of Mount Everest. My mate asked “Is it to scale?” “No” I replied, “It’s to look at”
On no account should you buy trainers when you’re fully aware they were made by children in Indonesia. I bought a pair yesterday and the stitching’s f*cking atrocious.
Traditionally, men get down on one knee to ask a woman for marriage. And two knees to beg for a divorce.