English lesson… Tsunami - T is silent Psychology - P is silent Knife - K is silent Honest - H is silent Wife - Husband is silent
My wife bet me £10 that I couldn't do a Butterfly impression.... I thought, that's got to be worth a little flutter
Be careful buying stuff on ebay. I ordered a Puffer fish....... and they sent me a Haddock with Asthma.
I was rubbing an old lamp earlier when a genie popped out and granted me a wish. I asked him to make me irresistible to all women. B*stard turned me into a pair of shoes!
My partner said last night, "Come into the bedroom and I'll put on that black lace number." I said, "No thanks, I can't stand Agadoo!"
An old man gets on a bus. There are no Seats so he stands and leans on his walking stick for support. The bus brakes suddenly at one stage and he slips. A young man sitting in a seat next to him says, " Hey Mister, if you had a rubber on the end of your stick that would not have happened"..The old man replies" If your Father had taken the same advice I would have a fecking Seat.
Breaking News: Philip Schofield has left ITV, and will soon be appearing on Dave. Dave is 15, and currently taking his GCSE's.......
They say thousands of kangaroos die on the road each year in Australia. This doesn't surprise me. I'd be shocked if their arms could even reach the steering wheel..
We must all do our bit for the planet… I’ve just unplugged a row of electric cars, that no one was using.
Why are the toilets in every Wetherspoon pub up 50 flights of stairs, across 2 continents, down a mountain and through a door to Narnia? You’ve almost wet yourself by the time you get there.......