We’ve just had a Sunday League cup tie against a team from the local quarry. We beat them 2-1 on aggregate.
I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me £45! Instead, I gave my suit to the charity shop next door. They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window. I bought it for £12.50! Follow me for more money saving tips
My wife said she saw a bowtie made from solid mahogany. She said she nearly bought it for me but she didn't think I would wear it. I replied "Wooden tie?"
In a recent survey, 2 percent of men said they preferred women with short legs, 3 percent preferred long legs and 95 percent preferred something in between.
A Welsh farmer is leaning on his gate one morning. With him is his border collie and in the field next to him is his horse and one of his sheep. A stranger comes walking past and greets the farmer then asks if the dog is his and would he mind if he talked to it. The farmer laughed, 'The dog can't talk.' The stranger greets the dog and the dog says 'Good morning'. The farmer nearly falls over in surprise. The stranger asks the dog if the farmer treats him well. 'Not too bad,' says the dog. 'I get plenty of exercise, good food, a warm bed. Life could be a lot worse.' The farmer is absolutely gobsmacked and is trying to get his head around hearing his dog talking when the stranger asks him if that's his horse in the field and would he mind if he spoke to it. 'The horse can't talk,' says the farmer, but with less certainty than before. The stranger greets the horse and asks if the farmer treats him well. 'Not too bad,' says the horse. 'He saddles and rides me occasionally but he's not too heavy and he always gives me a good brush down after. I get plenty of feed, good stables and he puts me to the mare when the timing's right. Life's pretty good.' The farmer is listening to all this with his mouth hanging open when the stranger asks if that's his sheep in the field and could he speak to it. 'Yes it's mine,' says the farmer. 'And before you start, that sheep's a bloody liar!’
