Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

rolfs ashes mate ive asked three people and its perfect suggest you have a look if your antivirus is stopping it mate

 

She was only the watchmakers daughter ...

... but I'm sure she was just trying to fob me off.

 

I put this one on earlier.

 

Ooh sorry mate. Been to see the Sunderland story so haven't seen all posts. Either me or an admin will delete it

 

Yeah, that was the second leg ...

 

in advance . . . .

A man went to the doctor and said "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh and you'll hear it."
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear "Gimme 20 bucks . . . . I really need 20 bucks" "I've never heard anything like this before. How long has this been going on ?" the doctor asked.
"That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee".
The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks . . . . just lend me 10 bucks"
"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this".
The doctor was dumbfounded.
"Wait Doc. That's not it . . . . there's more. Just put your ear up to my ankle"
The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can"
I have no idea what to tell you" the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books" he said as he frantically searched all of his medical reference books.
"I can make a well-educated guess though. Based on life and all of my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places"

 

I was walking down the high street today and saw written on one of the windows 'Chicken dinner £2'

I felt a bit hungry so I went inside and ordered the chicken dinner . . . . they gave me a bag of bird seed.

 

I was showing my doctor a nasty rash that has appeared on my c*ck today.
He seemed pretty uncomfortable and didn't want to touch it.
All he said was "Please make an appointment at the surgery" and then carried on with his f*cking shopping.

 

I would **** myself.

 

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morning.

 

I had a second interview for a contract with a company who at the time were leaders in the parcel delivery and private mail industry.
It was a boiling hot day, parked in the car park was an ice cream van, and in the queue was the woman who was to interview me again. They had already agreed to give me ad hoc work at the first interview and this was to finalise rates for a permanent roll.
We said 'hello' and I held open the main door for her. “We are upstairs in the boardroom” she said, so I followed her.
As she got to the top of the first flight she stopped and said “Be careful . . . . I might drip on you” My reply of “That’s alright, I’m used to it . . . . I have that effect on women” did not go down too well, and I didn’t get the contract.

Bloody women !

 

Cheers