When making a cup of tea for the wife, I shouted from the kitchen "Do you want a Kit Kat Chunky ?" I don't remember much after that !
The wife was breast-feeding in the Asda restaurant this morning, and suffered some nasty abuse. "Can't you do that somewhere private? It's f*cking disgusting!" a woman complained. "Why can't you mind your own business?" I glared at her, wiping milk off my chin.
A MAN CALLED AT THE CHURCH and asked if he could speak to the Head Hog at the Trough. The secretary said, "Who?" The man replied, "I want to speak to the Head Hog at the Trough!" Sure now that she had heard correctly, the secretary said, "Sir, if you mean our pastor, you will have to treat him with more respect-and ask for 'The Reverend' or 'The Pastor. But certainly you cannot refer to him as the Head Hog at the Trough!" At this, the man came back, "Oh, I see. Well, I have ten thousand dollars I was thinking of donating to the Building Fund." Secretary: "Hold the line-I think porky just walked in the door."
My girl said women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and be quiet. She couldn’t do either!
They tried to teach us some right rubbish at my school. One day , it was a load of nonsense about some dogs Pavlov had. Luckily, the bell went and we all had lunch
Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.
