Quasimodo went to his doctor. "How can I help you,' asked the doctor." I just don't feel right,' replied Quasimodo "OK,can you take off all your clothes and we'll try to find out what's wrong." said the doctor. Quasimodo took off ten vests,eight shirts and fourteen jumpers. ''When was the last time you took off all your clothes?" asked the doctor. "When I was at school" replied Quasimodo. "Did you never wonder what happened to your school bag" replied the doctor.
A guy with constipation is sat in the public toilets trying his best, after a few minutes he hears footsteps come rushing in, & the cubicle door next to him slams shut noisily,after a second or two he hears an almighty explosive sh#tting, f#rting noise. He says " I wish I could do that " The voice from the next cubicle says "I bet you don't I couldn't get my trousers down in time "
Little Johnny is visiting his Grandad on the farm .. He races into the Farmhouse and yells excitedly to his Grandad : "Hey Grandad , the bull is sh*gging the cow" .. Grandad informs Johnny that he Won't tolerate this sort of "playground language" on his farm and that in future if Johnny wants to inform him about such things , he should say something like , "Grandad , the bull is 'surprising' the cow .." A few weeks later Johnny is again visiting the farm .. Once again he comes racing in and yells : "Grandad the bull is surprising the cows .." Grandad says to Johnny : "I'm SO pleased to hear that after my conversation with you , a few weeks ago , you have cleaned up your language .. However , your grammar is not quite correct .. It is not "the bull is surprising the cows". It is , "the Bull is surprising the cow" .. The bull can only surprise ONE cow at a time".. Johnny replies : "No Grandad , the bull is REALLY surprising ALL the cows , because he's Sh*gging the horse ...!!"
I wouldn't say my childhood home had damp, but every time my father set a mousetrap he'd catch an otter
I told the wife the other day not to worry if her mother was at deaths door, I'd help pull her through
whenever the neighbours dog hears the door bell ring it goes and sits on the stool in the corner...it's a boxer
