A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight. ... "WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today." Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane Airplane and sits next to him. I am surely blessed the man thinks. Here I am, a good Catholic on a flight with the Pope sitting next to me. The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers take off their seat belts. The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book. Marvelous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with the Pope next to me but he does crosswords and so do I. He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope is tapping his pencil. The Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to anyone on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?" "Anything, your Eminence ... What is it?" "Do you know a four letter word that ends in 'u-n-t' that means something associated with women?" The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says, "The only word I can think of is aunt." The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"
I've just had a phone call from my mate. He said...."You won't believe this, I entered a competition last month and I've only gone and won first prize". I said "That's brilliant...what's the prize"? He replied..."A week in Ibiza, for me and 3 mates, all inclusive, a 5☆ hotel, with £2,000 spending money....are you free between 20th and 27th of August"? I said...."Of course I am". He then said... "Great.....can you put my wheelie bin out".
I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night (as I often do) & I noticed a strange individual who looked like a terrorist with a knife in his hand, sneaking through my next door neighbour’s back garden. Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave in the vegie patch and put the body in it and covered it. Astonished, I got back into bed. As I tossed and turned my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?" "You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said. ”What” she said "That bastard next door has still got my shovel.".
