Preacher, arriving in a small town to be guest speaker at a local church, wanted to mail a letter to his family back home. However, he didn’t know where the post office was. After looking around for a while, he stopped a young girl on a bike and asked her for directions. The 7 year old girl replied, “I can show you the way, follow me.” After they had arrived at the post office, the preacher turned to the little girl and said: “Thank you for your help. If you come to church this evening, I’ll tell you about Jesus and how to get to heaven.” “Nah, I don’t think so,” answered the girl. “Why not?” asked the surprised priest. The girl replied, “You don’t even know your way to the post office!”
A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight. ... "WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today." Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane Airplane and sits next to him. I am surely blessed the man thinks. Here I am, a good Catholic on a flight with the Pope sitting next to me. The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers take off their seat belts. The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book. Marvelous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with the Pope next to me but he does crosswords and so do I. He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope is tapping his pencil. The Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to anyone on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?" "Anything, your Eminence ... What is it?" "Do you know a four letter word that ends in 'u-n-t' that means something associated with women?" The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says, "The only word I can think of is aunt." The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"
I've just had a phone call from my mate. He said...."You won't believe this, I entered a competition last month and I've only gone and won first prize". I said "That's brilliant...what's the prize"? He replied..."A week in Ibiza, for me and 3 mates, all inclusive, a 5☆ hotel, with £2,000 spending money....are you free between 20th and 27th of August"? I said...."Of course I am". He then said... "Great.....can you put my wheelie bin out".
King Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner, he passed a hooker standing there every day. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. "One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout. "No! Five pounds!" He said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up. This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!" One day, Camilla decided to accompany her husband. As the couple neared the hooker's corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife. As they neared the hooker’s corner he became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the couple pass. Then, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard !”
