Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

"We need a bigger house." Said my wife.
"Why not just go on a diet?" I replied.

 

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket
You can hide but you can’t run

 

Little Johnny came home from school with a black eye
His dad says Johnny what have you done
It’s not my fault
The teacher had her dress stuck in the crack of her butt so I reached over and pulled it out
She turned round and hit me
The father said Johnny you don’t do that to women
The next day he came home with the other eye black
Johnny what happened
It wasn’t my fault
The teacher again had her dress stuck in her butt
I did nothing
Suzzie reached over and pulled it out
I know she doesn’t like it
So I pushed it back in

 

I was raised as an only child
Which was really hard for my sister

 

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Today I donated my watch, phone and £100 to some poor guy.

You don’t know the happiness that I felt when he put the knife back in his pocket !

 

Wordle....

 

A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency. The social worker raised doubts about their suitability. The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motor home, which was clean and well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social worker then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."
Then the social worker expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social worker was finally satisfied and asked, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"Oh, It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."

 

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?

 

.

 

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11

 

Was better first time Rog.

 

There's a tribe of pygmies in Central Africa called The Fukawi who are only 3'6" tall. They live in fields where the grass is 4'6" high.
They run around all day shouting, "We're The Fukawi."

 

Apollo Greed.