This fella asked me: “Do you want the winner of today’s Grand National ?" I said: “No thanks . . . . I've only got a small garden"
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother advised: "Send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal." So that's what he did. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. "The evening was a disaster," he moaned. "Why ?" asked his mother. "Oh, she came over, alright, but she refused to cook !"
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names: The tender one The amazing one Lady of my dreams She got angry and called the first number to find out that it was his mother. Then she called the second number and his sister answered. When she dialled the third number her own phone rang. She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole months salary to make up for it. The husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend, whose name was saved as "uncle Mike - mechanic”
Sorry, but . . . . My next door neighbour takes his pet chicken out training with him, and I said 'What's the point of that, mate ?' He replied 'Havent you noticed his pecks recently !'
Still got mine , must be fifty year old now . Strange but the team in red and white stripes is still my favourite even after all those years .
