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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 6 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Following Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 6 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golf's left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 6 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late.
You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my Mrs. If she is sleeping On her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?''
George replies, ''Then I am 6 minutes late

#26341
Wooperts_duck, Apr 1, 2023
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BREAKING NEWS. Liverpool Airport is closed due to a suspicious car. It was taxed, insured, and had an MOT.

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Wooperts_duck, Apr 1, 2023

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#26346
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A few days ago I received a friend request on FB from a young attractive guy about 28 years old... I was curious. I wanted to know why someone that young wanted to be my fb friend.
So I accepted it. Then he started sending me private messages. He was very kind. He called me beautiful. He asked my age. I'm not a liar so I told him and reminded him I'm quite a bit his senior. And I let him talk a bit cos (truth be told) flattery ain't all that bad.
We keep talking for a while and within a short time, he asked if we could talk about 'adult things'. I said ok. Then he replied with a face like
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. He said 'thank you babe, you start."
So I did!
I told him adult things like my knees and hips were hurting. My back acts up when it is cold outside. I explained that I have crazy insomnia, I toss and turn the entire night and that I often have leg cramps, especially when I try to sleep.
I mentioned the scars from multiple surgeries and the limp I have from an old injury. And of course I had to throw in the need for daily fiber supplements to prevent passing gas. Can't forget that one!
I was waiting for him to answer me...
He blocked me. He wanted to talk about adult things and then couldn't take the heat!
I think I'm just a bit too much woman for him to handle!

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