Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with some moody customers, so when one irate woman stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice"What's the trouble ?"
"I went out this morning" she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying that the postman tried to deliver a package but no one was home.
I'll have you know that my husband was in all morning, and he never heard a thing."
After apologising, I got her parcel.
"Oh good" she said "We've been waiting for this for ages."
"What is it ?" I asked.
"My husband's new hearing aid."

 

A Japanese man came here for sightseeing, and on the last day he hailed a cab and asked the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey a Honda drove past the taxi.
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast, made in Japan”
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled “Toyota, very fast, made in Japan”
Then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi, and for the third time the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled “Mitsubishi, very fast, made in Japan”
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. This went on for quite a number of cars until, finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was £300.
The Japanese exclaimed, “Why so expensive ?”
The driver said “Meter, very fast . . . . made in Japan”

 

Tesco . . every little helps

 

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On April 23rd (St.George's day) will Irish pubs be selling pints of warm bitter surrounded by flags of St. George ?

 

A girlfriend once asked if I'd give her the moon and the stars ...

... I said I will if you give me Uranus

 

Tampax have announced plans to replace the string with tinsel. But for the Xmas period only .

 

Newlywed wife, Monica said to husband Nick, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two..."
Nick glowing with happiness and kissing his wife, purred. "Oh, darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
Monica smiled and added, "I'm glad you feel that way, luv, because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us."

 

SMART

Wife has broken her leg & her hubby comes home after work.

Hubby: Honey, how're you doing?

Wife: Fine. Hey, do me a favour plz. Go upstairs & get me my slippers. My feet are freezing.

Hubby goes upstairs & sees wife's 2 hot sisters lying on the bed.
Hubby: Your sister sent me up to have s€x with you girls.

Sisters: Prove it !!

Hubby (Shouting): Hey honey, both of them?

Wife (Shouting back): Of course! What's the point of fu**king one?

 

Who looked more than once then?

 

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