Sam died and his Will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure that Sam would have been pleased," she said. "I'm sure that you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did it really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went to buy the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone ? My God, how big is it ?" "Two and a half carats !"
Why is there always a shop selling luggage at the airport ?…Who the f*ck’s going on holiday with armfuls of clothes saying ‘F*ck it , we’ll pack when we get there !’
THE Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. "Grumpy, my son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?" Grumpy asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican ?" The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican ." In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them. Grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Rome?" The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Rome . "This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Grumpy turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" The Pope, really confused by the questions says, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting.. "Grumpy shagged a penguin!" "Grumpy shagged a penguin!"
