I've just remembered the time when my attractive neighbour accused me off stealing her underwear off her washing line. It took me ages to reasure her that I had nothing to do with it . . . . I was so worried about it that I nearly **** her pants at one point.
My mate has just told me that I'm getting fat. In my defence, I have had rather a lot on my plate recently.
My Wife asked "Do you know someone called Cindy”? "Nope" I replied. "You must know somebody called Cindy”?She asked. "Actually, that's the name of my dog who died when I was a young kid. Why?" I replied. "Because your dead dog just texted you and she fancies a shag tonight."
How to tell what kind of bear is chasing you: If you're running, then you climb a tree, and the bear follows you, it's a black bear. If you're running, then you climb a tree, and the bear shakes you out of the tree, it's a brown bear. If you're running and you can't find a tree, it's a polar bear.
A black man's brain went into a bar and demanded a double whisky and a pint of snakebite. The barman looks him up and down then refuses to serve him. "Ah right, it's because I'm black is it?" "No, it's because you're out of your skull."
Four friends met in a bar. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes. The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday. The second guy says: Damn, My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday. The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion especially for his friend. The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons. The fourth friend who earlier had gone to the restroom returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son? The fourth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub. The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel. The fourth man replied: No, I am not ashamed at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends?
