Two Irishmen are travelling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers, 'cos they'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask . . . . you haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't. My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "You'll only be getting fifteen from me, too," adds the other !
Two drunk blokes go to a brothel, and the madam says to her manager "Put an inflatable in two rooms, 'cos these lads are too drunk to notice" A little while later the drunks are walking home one said "Mine didn't move at all . . . . you would've thought that she was dead" and the other replied "I think that mine was a witch, because I bit her on the arse, she farted, then flew out of the fecking window."
