Pub landlords

In the olden days, when everything was in sepia (look it up) and you could go out of a night, drink ten pints, hire the services of a world weary prostitute for a hour, buy a big bag of chips & a rissole, get the tram home and still have change from a five bob note, retired footballers opened pubs.

What pubs would Newcastle players run once their glory days are over.............?

Joey Barton would be landlord of 'The reformed *******'. I can imagine going in there as a non regular and seeing Barton (with tash) staring malevolently and unblinkingly at the stranger while wiping out a pint pot with a dirty tea towel..

Faustino Asprilla would be a barman in a shack in the jungle called 'Mad Mungo's crazy Bongo shack' where hombres drink evil home brew from whole coconuts thru straws...

Carol, she'd run a seedy winebar called the 'Thirty pieces of Silver', where the management actively encourgae the clientelle to betray their loved ones...

Colo would have a country pub on a canal called 'The coiffured lock' (geddit? lock - locks - hair - canal locks)....never mind.....

Jonas would be the hotel barman off Benidorm..

Chrissy H would run 'The betrayed badger'

Chris Waddle would own 'The Mullett'..

Don't know what pub Chiek would own, but it wouldn't be on 'the worlds hardest pubs' on Sky, because Chiek wouldn't want to associate himself with such pussies....

The pub co-owned by John Barnes and Barry Venison, 'The Jacket', would have the worst decor known to man...

Leon Best's pub wouldn't fill you full of confidence when you first saw it, but after a couple of pints you'd be pleasantly surprised...

Haris Vucik's pub would be called 'The FFS, what do I need to do?!' - it would be a fantastic pub, but hidden away where no-one could find it...

and now, as is usually the case when I post these pointless articles, it's over to you......

 

Five bob note? Never heard of them before.

Bobby Mitchell opened a pub after his playing days were over, not sure if it was the Punch Bowl or not but if it wasn't it was the one next to it.

 

Alan Smith - "the forgotten but not gone", you always forget its there but when you pop in now and then you remember why you arent a frequent visitor

James Perch - "the disappointment", on the face of it, decent looking place but you get in there and it's not up to scratch, doesnt seem to be positioned correctly either

 

Carol, she'd run a seedy winebar called the 'Thirty pieces of Silver', where the management actively encourgae the clientelle to betray their loved ones...
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Carol was the name of the manageress in the pub across the road from the old Empire Theatre ( now the Swallow Hotel ) and she would often make it clear that she wouldn't mind some young blood. She wasn't a bad looker for her age, but not that good!

 

Just remembered, the pub was called the Cumberland Arms.

Just for those that might be interested in pubs that are no more.

 

'She wasn't a bad looker for her age, but not that good!'


Not even after 6 pints AB? Go on, you can share with your freinds...did the dirty landlady give you 'afters'? Was she your Mrs Robinson?

 

Stevie Harper's pub would obviously be named "The Rock" It's also safe and steady but it's always been second best to the Irish pub across the road but now that's relocated to manchester, it's getting its well deserved customers.

Xisco - Gay nightclub, costs a lot of money to get in but then get kicked out by the bouncer before getting into the place.

Ameobi - That bar named "Bambi" that no one really wants to go to, you know the one, that's been around forever and you will only go in when the others are shut.

Ben Arfa bar - The bar that has a huge hype but before it can fill its potential, it's shut down and is expected to open in the spring.

 

Not even after 6 pints AB? Go on, you can share with your freinds...did the dirty landlady give you 'afters'? Was she your Mrs Robinson?
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Let's put it this way, I'd have needed more than 6 pints!

 

Wayne Routledge: Looks like it could be a decent pub at first but turns out to have poor service.

 

Nicky Butt, Geremi, Viduka and Owen go in as a consortium and open up a pub called 'The Final Pay Cheque' it's a run down old bar that used to have a fantastic reputation but now no matter how hard it tries can just not ever get back to the glory days

 

an erect bug

 

Steven Taylor's The hand (ball) that wasnt, where the staff grope you and pretend that you actually slapped them in the face

 

Alan Shoulder's - The Striking Miner (probably have to be old like me to get that one)

 

Shola Ameobi - Carl's Court, a pub full of old Newcastle memorablia and a tribute to Sir Bobby Robson behind the bar.

 

Would that be the Cumberland Arms in Byker? If so, I didn't know that. Spent many a happy evening there.

 

No this one was on Newgate Street before it was all pulled down and reveloped.

 

Niall Quinn would run the 'Ungrateful monkey', and despise all his customers..

 

He'd have MTV on the telly and hide the remote.

 

Steve Bruce, I hate them I Do, His jukebox no matter how much you put in it just wont give u the result you want and play Track 5 CD 1

 

lol