I decided to go to the local Mosque for the first time to see what it was all about. I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hands and said "By the will of Allah the Almighty and the Prophet Muhammad, you will walk today". I told him that I was not paralysed. He came back and laid his hands on me and repeated the same thing. Again I told him that there is nothing wrong with me. After the prayers I stepped outside and lo and behold, my bloody car was gone.
I went the local market and bought an Elvis record called "Wooden Leg" I said to the stallholder "I thought that he sang "Wooden Heart" He replied "He did, but this is a pirate version."
Shamima Begum is said to have contemplated suicide after this week's court ruling. She said "I'd started making the vest and everything."
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road, and a man asks him what's wrong. The boy says “Me ma is dead”. “Oh bejaysus" the man says. “Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?” The boy replies "No tanks mister . . . . sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”
