I walked into the kitchen this morning and the wife was at the cooker making breakfast. She turned round and said "Make love to me here and now!" Never one to turn a good offer down, I gave it my best shot. Afterwards she returned to the cooker. With a smug smile on my face I asked "What all that was about?" She replied "The egg timer is broken"!!!
Once upon a time, a man asked a beautiful woman... “Will you marry me?” The woman said “NO!” And the man lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles. And went fishing and hunting and went everywhere watching his favourite football team. And dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch And had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up .
One of the eagles members covered this as well which is where I know it from, but cant remember which one. https://www.streetdirectory.com/lyr...u_want_to_be_happy_for_the_rest_of_your_life/
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job, I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing." The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes." "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive. The guy, wide-eyed, said,"You're bul*lshi*ttin' me???" The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."...
